How to be an Expat in Saudi Arabia: Weddings

I love weddings – not only are they a celebration of the start of a life together etc etc but they are also a fantastic insight into the character of the people celebrating the marriage and the culture from which they hail.  We were lucky enough to be invited to weddings in Kazakhstan, Turkey and Malaysia and we have, of course, also attended weddings in our home countries of the UK and Ireland and I have celebrated, from afar, the weddings of many more friends around the world that I could not manage to get to in person.   

No event in Saudi is complete without coffee

Most weddings involve a ceremony and a party and guests do not, of course, always attend all parts of the event.  Here in Saudi Arabia things are slightly different in that there are two wedding celebrations – the bride’s celebration and the groom’s celebration.  A few months ago I was invited to a bride’s party – the daughter of a friend of a friend was getting married and the mother of the bride very kindly extended an invite to me. 

I was a little concerned about what to wear – wedding etiquette is a minefield wherever you are.  My friend told me the usual dress code was anything you liked but preferably black tie over cocktail and no need for white tie.  Most of my black tie dresses were bought when we lived in Kazakhstan and so are definitely not demure, I would not wear them in mixed company here in Saudi Arabia or indeed in any Gulf country.  I sent some photos to my friend and, to my very great surprise, was told they were perfect. 

Some things seem universal - confetti everywhere!

Weddings here are very much a late night affair.  My friends and I arrived at the wedding at about 11:30pm – some of the first to turn up.  Having walked past the modesty screens that stand behind all doors to womens only areas here we discarded our abayas at the concierge and walked into a room full of women dressed to kill and dancing the night away.  All the staff, from the DJ to the waitresses were female.  Having given our congratulations to the mother of the bride we settled down to people watch.  Women were socialising, dancing and generally having fun, none of us were really keen on dancing so we spent the time comparing wedding traditions from our respective home countries.  I must admit that I still don't have a real understanding of how weddings work here - from what my friends describe a process by which the parties set out the rules of their married life and the protections and rights of the parties.  The bride and groom must marry in court although there is also a religious blessing/wedding as well.  

The tables set up for the meal - A friend grabbed
this photo just before everyone else came through.

About an hour later we got the call to cover if we wanted to as the groom was coming (the groom attends the bride’s celebration for a short while but the bride does not attend the groom’s).  A long ululating cry sounded as the bride in a beautiful white dress and groom in formal traditional dress started their slow walk from the entrance to a double chair set on a stage at the front of the room; guests threw silver confetti on the couple.  There was time for photographs of the couple with female family members and the bride and groom cut the cake and had a quick dance before he left.  

Apparently cake and a first dance are not traditional but are becoming more and more popular amongst families who spend time abroad.  We were served cake and then, invited into the gardens to enjoy a meal outside, by this time it was past 2 in the morning and I must admit that I struggled to eat very much, for most other people, however, the party continued in earnest.  It was a wonderful evening and a fascinating insight into an aspect of life and culture here that I had not yet experienced.  As I said I love weddings and I wish the couple every happiness.

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Balad Historic Festival

I have written about Jeddah’s UNESCO heritage site of the old city of Al Balad before and with good reason, it is one of the most interesting parts of the city and one of our favourite places to go for an evening out.  A few weeks ago the city municipality had arranged a historic festival to take place over a few nights so Mr EE and I decided to go down to investigate.

   

Bait Naseef

Due to the festival the traffic, typically horrendous on any evening, was truly atrocious and it took us over an hour to get down to the old town.  We walked up the Souk Al Alawi historic path to the Mecca Gate, the route taking us through a rather modern looking underpass and into the centre of the old town proper.  There is a lot of reconstruction work going on in an attempt to preserve some of the more important historic buildings before they crumble into nothing.  A lot of progress has been made in the year we have been here, however, and it is good to see the municipality looking to preserve rather than to build new.

Bait Naseef

Walking up the historic path brought us to the ‘gun square’ presided over by the Bait Naseef, (once a Royal residence of King Abdul Aziz and worthy of a post in its own right) and a neem tree reputed to be the oldest tree in Jeddah.  As part of the festival a beautiful vintage fire truck had been parked by the side of the square, I meant to get a photograph of it but decided to wait until we walked back.  A mistake that I now regret.  What I did photograph, however, were the light projections onto the façade of the house.  Changing every few minutes from one pattern to the next the designs were quite mesmerising.  While we were in the square the mosques started the Athan, the call to prayer which is such an integral part of life here.  Shopkeepers hurried to close their doors and people started making their way towards the nearest mosque while others congregated on the street to make their devotions, public prayer mats provided for the purpose.  We walked on, moving from the square down one of the side roads towards the Al Shafi mosque.

On the way we came across a courtyard filled with artists.  This courtyard, dilapidated and tumble down is usually nothing special, something we have walked past numerous times and given it no more than a casual glance, had been transformed with ribbons and lights, into an open air gallery.  We wandered from stall to stall, some of the art was amateurish, other items were good in and of themselves but not to our taste.  One artist really impressed us, we bought one of his oil canvasses and will look out for another piece that he has not yet finished.  I have no idea if the piece really is any good or not but we are over the moon with it and it will provide us with a wonderful memory of that evening for many years to come.  

Moving on we came to the Al Shafi mosque itself.  The mosque, dating from around the 13^th Century, is said to be the oldest in Jeddah.  Made from mud and coral it is designed as an open square with a single minaret.  The mosque was restored relatively recently and is therefore in excellent condition.  Mr EE and I, as non-muslims, are not allowed inside but from glimpses through the doors have seen that it is very beautiful.  As we were outside during prayers we did not, however, look in this time opting instead to enjoy the light shows playing over the walls and minaret.

Al Shafi Mosque

We walked from the mosque towards the Bab Makkah.  This was once the start of the last and most difficult part of the pilgrimage to Mecca.  In the old days Jeddah was surrounded by city walls punctuated by garrisoned gates.  The walls have long since collapsed but the gates remain standing.  Pilgrims would make their way through the city and, as they went through the gate, would see nothing but desert stretching out in front of them.  Old pictures give a real sense of just how stark the contrast was.  These days the city has expanded a long way beyond its initial limits and the Bab Makkah is nothing more than a traffic island where boys play football and some unfortunates find shelter for the night.  

Bab Makkah Once the edge of the desert, now a traffic island.

The real joy, however, of a trip up to the Bab Makkah is the fruit and vegetable souk along the way.  Crowded with carts selling every type of produce you can imagine the street is heaving and cheerful.  The odd (brave) driver inches through the crowd but by and large this is a pedestrian zone of organised chaos and a good place to buy a bottle of water and banana or orange to refresh energy levels that almost always sag in the night time humidity.

Fruit and Vegetable Souk near the Bab Makkah

Leaving the souk we made our way through the quieter back streets towards the festival area again.  We found more open air art galleries where ruined buildings were transformed into showcases, a dance and music display and, rather incongruously, a Toyota stand promoting their latest models.  Further on there were stalls selling a range of antiques from old keys and locks to bicycles and ancient record players.  Everyone wanted us to stop and chat, a chance for a sale of course always in their mind but also a desire to talk, to find out why we were there, what we thought of their city.  There was more, much more, to the festival but by this stage we were exhausted and made our way home for the night passing recreations of old fashioned pilgrimages on the way.  

I doubt people who have not lived here would imagine Saudis enjoying festivals like this, gathering together to celebrate history and culture and welcoming visitors into their midst at the same time.  While it is hardly an every day occurrence festivals like this are not unusual here (there was a food festival running concurrently and nearby towns had flower and rose festivals at around the same time).  Jeddah has a reputation as a rather dull posting but, when you start to really look for things, there is a lot going on.

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How To Be An Expat In Saudi Arabia: Compounds.

There are two options when it comes to  choosing accommodation in Jeddah, you can opt to live on a walled compound or chose to live ‘In Arabia’.  

The former is, naturally, more expensive than the latter, not least because the houses typically come unfurnished and when they say that they mean it.  Friends living outside have to provide their own kitchen units and white goods and even AC units as well as meet the more typical furniture expectations.  Houses in a compound cost more to rent but come furnished.  As well as meaning that new arrivals do not need to find a budget for kitchen units the costs cover provision of security, corner shops and exercise/relaxation facilities as well as all utility charges.  When we arrived we moved straight into Mr EE’s predecessor’s house to make things simple.  It gives us a base for the first 6 months which will allow us to look at the different housing options available to us.  We have since moved in to our own, larger, home complete with a bedroom for each child and a garden for the pets.

While I would normally prefer to live away from other expats in a private home in a more local district that choice is not really practical for our life here in KSA.  As I cannot drive I would have to take a taxi to and from school every afternoon to collect the children, I would need to wear an abaya just to step out of the house, could not send the children to collect last minute essentials from the corner shop and not be able to swim to my heart's content in a public swimming pool.  The latter issues are, of course, minor but the driving and transport was the deciding factor for us.  Most of our friends who live off compounds have no or older children and so are not limited in the same way.

Our compound is attached to Mr EE and the children’s school.  This makes for an easy 2 minute commute for Mr EE in the morning and means he can pop home for supper and to see the children before going back to work again in the evening.  Given the proximity of the school and home we also allow Master and Miss EE to go to and from school by themselves and one can do after school clubs while the other comes home and vice versa, they are not stuck waiting for eachother.  This independence is fantastic for them and it means that they are learning to be responsible for their own timekeeping.  Mr EE drops Mini EE off at her crèche every morning and I pick her up just before the older children get home.  The school run in our last posting took up a significant portion of my day, at one stage Master and Miss EE had different pick up times so I would spend 3 hours on collection duty just in the afternoon.  If Mr EE was away and unable to do the morning drop off I had another hour.  I find that I am so much more productive here because of this.

Our compound has a small shop, some exercise facilities, a library, recreation room and 2 pool complexes.  It also provides a shopping bus twice a day so that it is easy to go and get groceries or run errands while private lift share cars such as Uber and Careem are allowed onto the compound to drop me at my door.  Some of the other compounds have larger shops, restaurants, travel agents, beauty salons and hairdressers etc  (some even have a bowling alley and one a vets).  They are, to all intents and purposes, small villages in their own right.  Each has their own character but while it might be nice to be able to pick and choose the reality is that almost all the good compounds have long waiting lists particularly for family sized homes so most people go where their employers put them.  

Because there are heavy restrictions on mixed social activities in KSA the compounds, alongside the consulates, become the hub of expat activity.  A quick google will make Jeddah seem like an activities and cultural desert simply because no one posts anything online.  Once you arrive, however, and start to get to know where to look, there are things to do everywhere.

The greatest upside and the saddest downside of life on the compound is that we are massively insulated from real life in KSA.  We live a life of luxury cocooned from the outside.  I think it would be possible for someone to come to live in Jeddah (or any other Saudi city for that matter) and never really realise what life is like in the city.  Of course many of our friends and contacts are other western expats and most of the organised social events are arranged with these interest groups in mind so we have had to make a particular effort to connect and become friends with locals and long term expats, to read the local news and try to stay in touch with what is going on outside the expat community.  This means we catch glimpses and hear snippets of what life is really like at both ends of the spectrum, the grinding poverty of the sub continent expat labourers and the nonchalant opulence of life for the super rich.  There are times we regret that circumstances force us into our bubble.   Then pragmatic reality reasserts itself and I am thankful for the short commute and the swimming pool.

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Jeddah's Fakieh Aquarium

We often spend weekend’s enjoying the atmosphere on Jeddah’s corniche.  We usually go to the middle corniche park but a little further north and closer to home there is another section of the which houses some restaurants a planetarium and Jeddah’s aquarium.  I heard about the aquarium on my first day in Jeddah, I was introduced to a very staid and polite member of Mr EE’s staff who shocked me by saying something along the lines of ‘F*** You’.  Shocked for a moment I was relieved to hear he was telling me I should take the children to the Fakieh Aquarium.

Miss EE had been to visit on a school trip a few months ago and raved about her time there.  I had been quite unwell and the older two children had really stepped up, making their own supper, cleaning the house and generally pampering me so we thought they deserved a treat.  They chose to visit the aquarium. 

There are three different types of ticket available, one for the aquarium, one for the dolphin show and a combined one.  The tickets are SAR50 (about £10/$13) per person.  Miss EE had been to see the Dolphin show on her last visit, Mr EE and I are against these shows because of the potential for cruelty, we spoke to the children about the issues surrounding the use of Dolphins and Seals in this way and they agreed that they did not want to go and see it.  Before going into the aquarium itself we took the opportunity to sit by the water and enjoy the sea breeze while eating some rather delicious cakes.

The aquarium itself is small but very well laid out.  It concentrates on life from the Red Sea and the big tunnel (all aquaria seem to have them these days) is modelled on the environment around Elphinstone Reef off the coast of Egypt, a dive Mr EE and I had done a few (more than 10!) years ago.  Sadly, like most of the aquaria we have been to recently, there is not a lot of information about the fish themselves, the signs concentrating on one or two species per tank.  We should look out our old Red Sea Fish ID slate.  All the favourites are there, sharks (mostly Black Tips), Turtles, Parrot Fish, Clown Fish, Eels, Seahorses and Jellyfish.

At 21/4 and having ditched the buggy completely Mini EE thought the aquarium was the most wonderful experience.  She walked from tank to tank taking in the different fish and watching with a huge grin on her face.  She has been to some before, the spectacular KLCC Aquarium as a baby and the offerings in Dubai last year but this time she really took everything in.

Half way through you have to walk through a sweet shop, beautifully designed to maximise pester power.  After many years’ experience Master and Miss EE know that any requests are futile but we did see a number of parents succumb.

After the shop there are some smaller exhibits including octopus, an eel garden and the (again now ubiquitous) illuminated Jellyfish.  There was also another huge shark tank with a number of impressive specimens including a rescued Bull Shark that looked like it had had a run in with a propeller. 

The aquarium tour over we took the chance to walk along the corniche and watch the sun set to the sound of the athan before grabbing a bite to eat when the restaurants opened up again.  

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Posted to Animal Tales 

How To Be An Expat In Saudi Arabia: Driving And Getting Out And About!

Driving is a big ticket issue here in Saudi, the only country in the world where women are not allowed to drive.    Many locals and residents protest the status quo which is a real problem for families.  Women have to either use taxis or hire a foreign driver to take them places which is expensive, particularly for those on lower incomes.  It also means that women have to plan their lives around the availability of transport.  Arguments against allowing women to drive include that it would leave them vulnerable to attack if they broke down and that male drivers would seek to intimidate them. I have also seen claims that the driving seat acts as a vibrator and gives women guilty pleasures, I can't say I have ever noticed this but perhaps it only applies to cars in Saudi.  It may go some way to explaining the distracted driving we see on the roads!

 I know some expats, mostly women and some men who say they would never feel comfortable driving here.  I disagree, I love to drive, I love the freedom it gives me and I loathe being dependant on others.  With the exception of Mr EE and some other family members I hate being driven.  Even when the roads and other drivers are bad I prefer to rely on my own skill as opposed to those of people who may never have been taught to drive properly.  Nevertheless the situation is what it is and my opinion will not change anything.   I always think expats should be careful when commenting on local issues, at the end of the day it is not my fight to fight, and there are many Saudi women (and some men) advocating for the end of the restriction. 

The driving in Jeddah can only be described as ‘fruity’.  While it is not the worst place I have ever seen (Lagos wins on that count) drivers are very aggressive, probably because they are all male and the roads seem to run on testosterone.  The roads are generally wide and well maintained but, because of the lack of public transport, there are a huge number of cars using the roads at any one time (the photograph above is a quiet Saturday afternoon, in rush hour the same road is blocked). Most people drive the biggest car they can afford to ensure that they can see and be seen.  We have seen the odd Kia Picanto or similar but they must be a very uncomfortable drive.  Light cycles on junctions are long.  There are a few roundabouts to ease traffic flow but roads are generally managed by legal U turn lanes.  These are few and far between so you can find yourself driving a few kilometres in the wrong direction in order to get where you are going to.  Main roads will have a parallel access road (you can see one above), most of these do not filter onto the main road as such, there are access/egress points at regular intervals and it is not uncommon to see two cars racing, one to get on one to get off waiting to see which one will give way first.  

 Fines for infractions are high and have recently been pushed up, a friend told us he was caught going through a light as the amber changed to red.  He now chooses to stop on amber and will prefer to be shunted than fined. Mobile phone use while driving appears to be obligatory, while use of indicators is optional.  Weaving in and out of traffic, standing on breaks, jumping into a stream of fast moving traffic from a standstill, filtering into a 'lane' without looking and of course undertaking are all expected.  Less common, but not unusual, is for the driver to hold a baby or toddler on their lap.  While it all looks rather chaotic I suspect, as with all places, that there are local conventions that make driving easier which you only find out when you are the driver, like flashing  your lights to someone to go ahead in the UK or making eye contact with a driver to be let into traffic on a main road in Kazakhstan.

In terms of  our own transport practicalities I don’t need to take the children to and from school as we live in compound that is connected to school.  Mr EE has a (very good and extremely competent) driver for all work related travel and we can use him for the odd private trip as well.  The compound runs a bus to various destinations twice a day and I can take that for free if I want to.  Alternatively if is very easy to hire a taxi through the Uber or Careem apps on my telephone.  The app tells me how long I will need to wait, directs the driver to my exact location by GPS and then tracks our journey home.  It is safe and the cars are all very well maintained, most drivers speak some English but it is a good idea to learn directions in Arabic just in case. You do get the odd very poor driver and as the law here does not require seat belts in the back and I can't sit in the front with a 'strange' man I do feel vulnerable at times.  If they are really bad I stop the ride and order a new cab.  We book 'executive' cars when we travel with the children as they are more likely to have functioning seatbelts.  Whether or not these apps will continue to work well is not certain.  There is a move to restrict the right to drive an Uber or Careem to Saudi citizens only.  This will, at least in the short term, reduce the number of cars available for hire as many of the drivers are expats.

We hope to be able to buy our own car as this will allow us to explore further afield.  The real pain for us will be that as I will not be able to take over when Mr EE is tired we will be restricted to shorter distances than if we had two drivers available.

How to get about in Jeddah:

• There is no public transport.
• Street taxis are plentiful and identified with a standard livery, I rarely use them.  Negotiate a price before setting out and if you are a woman alone be very obvious about texting the number plate to a friend (I do this as a matter of course with street hails in many countries).
• Install Uber and the local (better) equivalent, Careem, on your 'phone.  These are tracked apps and therefore safe, you do not need to carry cash or if your card is not registered to the app you can pay with a large note and have it credited to your account.
• Buy a car (and hire a driver if you are a woman).
• Walk!  Obviously this is more difficult in the summer when the temperatures get very high and it is not really common to see women out walking on their own as you can be hassled but it is fine for short distances or with your family or a group.  Jeddah is not pedestrian friendly, there are very few designated road crossings and traffic is busy.  It is difficult to walk and cross roads with a pushchair.
• If you are buying a car be aware that expat ownership of the larger 4x4s is restricted, only expats with larger families may purchase them.

In other words there are plenty of options but you will need to plan.

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Jeddah Corniche

Jeddah is a coastal city and, as such, has an extensive waterfront.  The corniche is divided up into a number of discrete sections, all slightly different in character and all equally charming and enjoyable.  One of our favourite parts is the Middle Corniche Park.  This is quite some way from our home and can take up to half an hour to get there but it is worth it. 

Enjoying the scenery at the Corniche Park

Nestled at the end of Falastin (Palestine) street, this park is home to some quite tracts of grass, a walk way, some play grounds, sculpture and views over the King Fahd fountain.  We like to go down towards evening time, aiming to get to the park about 15 minutes before sunset prayers.  This gives us time to get a bottle of water or an ice cream from a snack vendor before they close up.

There are plenty of vendors selling treats for children
and picnic essentials like cushions and carpets.

As non Muslims we are, of course, not required to do anything other than not disturb those at their devotions.  All shops close down by law and restaurants close their doors to new customers.  In the park roll out carpets are available for those who wish to pray.  We tend to take the opportunity to walk quietly through the park, enjoying the scenery and the sunset.  The gardens are well maintained and full of sculptures although to my untutored eye they do not  appear to be the best quality.

The park is quiet during prayer time

But full of life at other times.

As prayers come to an end families break out picnics and barbeques on the lawns, children cycle or roller-skate down the path, married couples stroll hand in hand and hopeful young men cast their fishing lines.  In the cooler weather you see people out for a run, men in their sports wear and sometimes even the odd woman in her abaya (although given the difficulty of running in one women tend more towards power walking).

The park is a pleasant place for a romantic stroll

Strange sculptures abound

We are not even sure what these are!

Sunsets in Jeddah are often less than spectacular; we don’t get enough cloud cover for the really striking skies that I loved in Brighton, another seaside town I called home for many years.  Nevertheless it is the best time to enjoy the spectacle that is the King Fahd fountain.  Built in the 1980s it is the tallest fountain in the world, shooting seawater up to around 300m high.  It is so imposing that can be seen from the aircraft as they come in to land at the airport and it can be seen at the other end of town (if you are high enough).

Children play in the many well equipped parks

People gather to enjoy convivial evenings

This section of the corniche is only a few kilometres long so once we have walked to the end and back we just have time to nip into a restaurant on Falastin before they close the doors for the night time prayers.

Sunset is the best time to enjoy views of the fountain

It dominates this part of town

This park is, for us, a perfect example of how life here is like and yet unlike anywhere else.  People enjoy the seafront in seaside towns around the world.  Watching children eat cotton candy and learn to roller-skate on promenades (as I did in Brighton all those years ago) and seeing couples stroll and families barbeque it could be the seaside in Miri, the riverside in Astana; and yet… it is quintessentially Arabia.

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