Expat Ennui

Expat life is wonderful – it gives us so many opportunities we might not otherwise get.  We have lived and grown to know other cultures, learned other languages.  Our children have made friends from more countries than we would have thought possible and the opportunities for travel are, quite simply, fantastic and, for the most part, I love it.

Who wouldn't want to live here....

The employed spouse gets to advance their career with high profile, challenging positions.  The children get an international education at excellent schools but what about the trailing spouse?  I have been thinking about this a lot in recent weeks.  We left the UK to pursue my husband’s career.  The opportunity was too good to pass up but it has meant a significant career sacrifice on my part.

This experience is by no means unusual.  Some trailing spouses relish the opportunities to relax, study, read or play sports that the expat lifestyle offers.  Some countries allow spouses to work – and indeed I did work successfully in Kazakhstan albeit that it was in a series of ‘jobs’ rather than in my established career.  The result being my CV, not unlike that of many trailing spouses, is eclectic and unusual. 

Most of the online resources for trailing spouses list a number of solutions.  Work from home (fine if you are a qualified transciptionist, programmer etc not so much if your field is not one that allows or can be adapted to telecommute).  Studying works if there is distance learning available in your chosen field.  Volunteer, again fine to fill in CV gaps and time in the day and it can be fulfilling but you are essentially paying to use your time not being paid for it.  Enjoy time with the kids – I love my time with my children and decided to stop commuting between the UK and Kazakhstan (which I did for over a year) as my absences were too hard on them.  I similarly declined an offer to stay in Kazakhstan for work and commute to Malaysia for holidays although I might have been tempted if the job had been in my professional field as I do want to work. 

Expat life means you get to live in some out of the way places...

This is an acknowledged problem for many large international companies – postings work better when the whole family is happy and some employers have spousal support networks or provide training/retraining.  This is a problem that will only increase as time goes on.  When my parents were expats my mother worked in some postings (she was a special needs and English teacher) but not others depending on whether she wanted to.  It was not common, however, for spouses to work and single income families were still the norm in most ‘home’ countries.  These days’ dual income families are the norm and even if two incomes are not required financially many trailing spouses, like me, invest a lot of their personal worth in their professional achievements. 

I noticed, as 2015 rolled over, that I have been feeling that sense of ennui that comes with the lack of a defined role in life.  This is probably also connected to the 2015 general election in the UK – had we remained there I would likely be fighting that election in a seat with a reasonable chance of success (I stood for a major party in the 2010 election).  Our baby is still very young and I love having time with her.  I don’t want to spend too much time away but I do want to do something with my days. 

And have some fascinating experiences...

Here in Miri I am a stay at home mother, my professional identity is gone.  A large part of my self worth is tied up in my professional and political persona – I studied and worked for years to become that person.  A part of me thinks that I should be running for parliament and instead I am baking brownies! (And having some down right wonderful adventures as well to be fair).

I don’t want to succumb to ennui, the reality is that Miri is not a good location for spousal employment opportunities. Rather than let this get to me too much I shall be looking, slowly but surely, for something to do with my time, hopefully something that ties in to my long term career plans or interests.  Just setting that goal made me feel a lot better I have something to search for and work towards while still enjoying my time with my family (and my very tasty brownies).  My first step has been to get copies of my old diving qualifications so that I can get my skills reviewed and start diving again.

That way I know I can truly enjoy all this wonderful life has to offer.  

This post is part of Seychelles Mama's monthly link up 'My Expat Family'.  It showcases some of the very best expat blogs on the web so do pop along and read some of the other brilliant blogs.....

Click  on the picture for more posts on the challenges of expat life.