How to be an Expat in Saudi Arabia: Weddings

I love weddings – not only are they a celebration of the start of a life together etc etc but they are also a fantastic insight into the character of the people celebrating the marriage and the culture from which they hail.  We were lucky enough to be invited to weddings in Kazakhstan, Turkey and Malaysia and we have, of course, also attended weddings in our home countries of the UK and Ireland and I have celebrated, from afar, the weddings of many more friends around the world that I could not manage to get to in person.   

No event in Saudi is complete without coffee

Most weddings involve a ceremony and a party and guests do not, of course, always attend all parts of the event.  Here in Saudi Arabia things are slightly different in that there are two wedding celebrations – the bride’s celebration and the groom’s celebration.  A few months ago I was invited to a bride’s party – the daughter of a friend of a friend was getting married and the mother of the bride very kindly extended an invite to me. 

I was a little concerned about what to wear – wedding etiquette is a minefield wherever you are.  My friend told me the usual dress code was anything you liked but preferably black tie over cocktail and no need for white tie.  Most of my black tie dresses were bought when we lived in Kazakhstan and so are definitely not demure, I would not wear them in mixed company here in Saudi Arabia or indeed in any Gulf country.  I sent some photos to my friend and, to my very great surprise, was told they were perfect. 

Some things seem universal - confetti everywhere!

Weddings here are very much a late night affair.  My friends and I arrived at the wedding at about 11:30pm – some of the first to turn up.  Having walked past the modesty screens that stand behind all doors to womens only areas here we discarded our abayas at the concierge and walked into a room full of women dressed to kill and dancing the night away.  All the staff, from the DJ to the waitresses were female.  Having given our congratulations to the mother of the bride we settled down to people watch.  Women were socialising, dancing and generally having fun, none of us were really keen on dancing so we spent the time comparing wedding traditions from our respective home countries.  I must admit that I still don't have a real understanding of how weddings work here - from what my friends describe a process by which the parties set out the rules of their married life and the protections and rights of the parties.  The bride and groom must marry in court although there is also a religious blessing/wedding as well.  

The tables set up for the meal - A friend grabbed
this photo just before everyone else came through.

About an hour later we got the call to cover if we wanted to as the groom was coming (the groom attends the bride’s celebration for a short while but the bride does not attend the groom’s).  A long ululating cry sounded as the bride in a beautiful white dress and groom in formal traditional dress started their slow walk from the entrance to a double chair set on a stage at the front of the room; guests threw silver confetti on the couple.  There was time for photographs of the couple with female family members and the bride and groom cut the cake and had a quick dance before he left.  

Apparently cake and a first dance are not traditional but are becoming more and more popular amongst families who spend time abroad.  We were served cake and then, invited into the gardens to enjoy a meal outside, by this time it was past 2 in the morning and I must admit that I struggled to eat very much, for most other people, however, the party continued in earnest.  It was a wonderful evening and a fascinating insight into an aspect of life and culture here that I had not yet experienced.  As I said I love weddings and I wish the couple every happiness.

Click on the photo below for more posts about expat life in Saudi Arabia

Malaysian Weddings - Chinese and Kelabit Style

Malaysia is a country with a mixed bag of cultures and they all celebrate differently.  A few weeks ago we were invited to help celebrate the wedding of one of my husband’s colleagues – her husband to be is Chinese and she is half Chinese half Kelabit so they were having a fusion event. 

In Malaysia only Muslim marriages can combine official and cultural elements (not dissimilar to a Church wedding in the UK) so it is common for the cultural and official weddings to be held separately.  In this instance the couple had been legally married a few weeks before but the cultural wedding was the big event.

The wedding in Miri's Catholic Cathedral

The couple are both Catholic so, in the morning, we went to the Church wedding. This was a fairly standard Catholic wedding – no different to the many that I have been to for other friends with the exception that it was very large - the groom's family alone comprised more people than we invited to our wedding.  We then went home until the evening reception at a local hotel some hours later – this is when the differences really showed.

When we arrived at the event we handed over our Angpow – a little red envelope with the money for the wedding.  It is not traditional, here, to give gifts at a wedding unless you are very close to the family, instead you give a set amount of money per person attending sufficient to cover the costs of your meal.  One of our friends said that 90% of the cost of his wedding was covered by the contributions from the angpows.  A table is set up at the entrance to the event for guests to hand over the envelope and have their names (and contribution) ticked off a list. Again there were a lot of people - the tables filled the hotel's (large) grand ballroom, there were easily more than 400 people there but we were told that it was not an unusual size for a wedding.

A large family...

Sarawak is a fairly casual place and so it was not surprising to see guests in a range of dress from traditional to t-shirt and shorts to full wedding attire.  The formal event started with an introduction of the bridal party (who had changed to different clothes from earlier in the day) and then the first of a ten course meal was brought in.  The lights were dimmed, beat music started up and waiters carrying candlelit plates negotiated their way through the maze of tables to bring the food to the guests.  A friend mentioned that this is quite normal in Sarawak – hotels seem to choose techno music by default but guests can opt for a different track if they prefer.  Shortly after this the bridal party changed again  - a total of three different outfits!

Handing over Angpows

During the course of the meal there were video showing the couple’s courtships and events from earlier in the day.  These included the groom and his groomsmen coming to the bride’s house to take her to church.  They were met by the bridesmaids who set them several tasks to negotiate – from eating neat wasabi sauce to identifying the bride’s lipstick print on a piece of paper.  Angpows were handed over to the bridesmaids and the groom was finally allowed to enter.  The bride and groom shared tea with their family and then went to the church leaving the house under a red umbrella (for luck) while firecrackers sent out clouds of red confetti.

Back at the reception the bride’s relatives had arranged for some traditional Kelabit elements to be included in the celebration including a traditional wedding song and a traditional dance (although the music, by the Rivers of Babylon, was anything but traditional).  The bride’s family are from Bario in the highlands where the beadwork is particularly fine and very prized.  Gifts from her family to the grooms included a parang (a type of machete) for the groom and bead necklaces for both the men and women of his family.  The bride was also given a traditional beaded bridal skull cap, belt and necklace. 

Kelabit Bridal Song (you can just see the
women wearing beaded headbands)

Towards the end of the evening the guests stood to toast the happy couple with a Chinese toast of  ‘yah, se’ said as loud and as long as possible.  An equivalent to hip, hip hurray

Click  on the picture for more posts on life in Malaysia.

Kazakh Wedding Traditions

Our Son’s teacher married his Kazakh fiancée over the weekend and we were invited to the wedding.  One of the more noticeable Kazakh wedding traditions is the tour of the city’s sites and attractions taken by most newlyweds. One lovely tradition is for happy couples to pose for snaps in front of various buildings around the city.  In the warmer months we see many wedding parties, bridal cars and horse drawn carriages making a tour of the sites.  This is a tradition not just in Astana but all over Kazakhstan, when we visited the lakes in Borovoye, a nature reserve to the north of Astana we saw bridal parties row out to the 'sphinx' rock in the middle of the lake.

Despite the high profile of weddings in the city, we had not been to a Kazakh wedding before so it gave us the opportunity not just to celebrate with them but also to learn more about Kazakh wedding customs.  The actual registration is usually a small, private affair, followed a wedding reception for friends and family which we were invited to.

A Bridal Party having photo taken

An intrepid bride takes a boat out onto the lake in Borovoye (to the North of Astana)

Before the party, we headed out to one of the larger malls to find a present.  This was an exercise in patience because the shop could not find the barcode to scan the item and initially refused to sell it to us.  After some gentle persuasion, we tracked down the code and box and headed off with the gift, but the next hurdle was getting it wrapped.  It is not easy to buy wrapping paper here; most people tend to use gift bags for presents instead.  After a search, we thought we had struck gold when we discovered  a florists that sold paper and even provided a wrapping service, but it was not quite what we thought.  Rather unfortunately, the wrapping station was being manned by a trainee – half an hour, four sheets of paper, meters of ribbon, two different types of double sided tape, some ordinary tape and a hot glue gun later we finally had a wrapped present.  It was somewhat reminiscent of the present wrapping scene from the film ‘Love Actually’ but with much less panache and capability.

Half an hour and the present is finally wrapped

Luckily for us start times are flexible here so we were more than on time for the start of the reception which was being held at a local Indian Restaurant.  After the bride and groom arrived they sat at a table at the head of the room with the Best Man and the Bridesmaid.  We all took our places at two tables lining either side of the room while the master of ceremonies welcomed everyone to the reception.  While food was being served  the family members – grandparents, parents and siblings were invited to give speeches followed by the groom’s headmaster and my husband (he is the deputy headmaster of the school).  Some spoke and others gave a song or performed a piece of music, the bridesmaid had her job cut out as she had to translate all the speeches from Russian to English or vice-versa.  After the formal speeches were concluded the microphone was handed over to the floor and all the guests took turns to give a speech or a special song for the couple.

Every now and then the guests and the wedding couple were invited up to the dance floor and, when there was a lull in proceedings the MC called some couples up to the floor for party games with prizes for the competitors.   Couples had to race across the room standing only on two pieces of paper, my husband was called out for a throw the ball competition and three couples had to ‘dance off’ to various different styles of music.  It created a wonderful atmosphere, it was probably the most inclusive wedding I have ever been to - even the babies and children were part of the celebrations.   A little later the cake was brought out and the bride and groom cut it together.  The bride then served a piece of cake to the groom’s parents while the groom brought some to the bride’s parents after which they fed a piece of the cake to each other.  By this time it was getting rather late and we decided to make our way home but the party was in full swing and looked as though it would be going on for many hours to come.

Click on the picture for more posts on life in Kazakhstan.