How to help your children cope with tragedies they see on the news

Paris, Beirut, Metrojet, MH17, MS804 – the Boston Bomb… Expats can find it difficult to see or hear of problems affecting a family member far away and be unable to help.  I speak from personal experience when I say it is even worse for children. 

I boarded when my parents moved to Nigeria shortly after I turned 11.  The potential dangers were highlighted when my mother and I were caught in an armed robbery and again a when the airports were closed due to an attempted coup. This was before the days of easy communication so whenever I was at school I was obsessed with hearing as many news bulletins as possible.  I wanted to be sure that nothing was happening to my family.  These feelings intensified during our posting to Turkey in the 1990’s.  We lived in Diyarbekir in the east of the country and it was at the height of the problems with the PKK.  Bombings, kidnap threats and worse were commonplace and we went everywhere with bodyguards.   I would scour the newspapers daily and could not sleep until I had heard the late news on the radio. More recently, when our children, who were very young  and had just moved abroad with us for the first time, heard about the London riots in 2011 they did not settle until they had spoken to all our family in the UK. 

When bad things happen it is important to make sure that children understand the context of the event, the repercussions and that their loved ones are safe.  Of course, if family are potentially involved it is essential to find a way to reassure children as soon as possible.  In these days of mass media and internet lack of information is not a problem - rather there is a danger of information overload.

As soon as something happens tell your children before they see potentially distressing and worrying information in the media.  In 2014 we were living in Malaysia when flight MH17 was shot down, children at their school lost parents and the whole community was hit very badly.  In such circumstances it was vital to ensure that the children knew exactly what was going on so that they did not hear from rumours.  I would advise parents in similar circumstances to give their children  a fair and honest account and, if they want to watch the news make sure that you are with them to put it into context.  Younger children may well not understand the concept of a ‘news loop’ and worry that events are repeating themselves so make sure that they understand that there is a single incident.  Very small children will need a lot of physical reassurance, and older children may want to speak to relatives to reassure themselves that everything is ok.  

Schools have become increasingly sophisticated at supporting expat children through such crises.   My house parents lacked sympathy, they were exasperated by my need to keep up to date with information and my worry for my family.  I know from personal experience (Mr EE and I were living in schools in the UK as boarding house parents during the 9/11 tragedy and the London tube bombings) and from speaking to people whose children have boarded in recent years that things are very different now.  Nevertheless if you are living abroad but have children in boarding school it is worth speaking with the house parents to ensure that they know how best to support your children if necessary.  

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This article has, sadly, been updated far too many times since it was originally published in 2013.