Some
friends of ours are leaving Astana at the end of this week and it started me
thinking about the transience of expat life and the nature of the friendships
we make.
We
come to a posting full of questions and trepidation. Will we be able to settle in the new
posting? Will there be a school for the
children? Social clubs for non working
family members? Comfortable homes? Easy access
to groceries and countless other little worries. One of the biggest concerns most expatriates
have is whether they will be able to find a supportive friendship circle.
Most
people manage to settle in very quickly and meet friends both local and
expatriate. Of course such friendships
are destined to be fairly transient – locals will stay behind when you move to
the next posting and other expatriates will be on a different moving schedule
to you. When
I was a child we moved around very regularly and friendships would wax and wane
depending on where we were. Once people
left our host country we could write but typically we would find the friendship
suspended on an amicable basis – left to
be picked up again from where we left off when our paths managed to cross again. We moved within a single company so this
happened on a reasonably regular basis and it was always a pleasure to catch
up. Over the years I have babysat for
the children of my old babysitters and been introduced to my parents’ best
man.
In
the old days there was always the danger of letters getting lost in the post or
forgetting a new address so when friends moved on to a new posting there was
always a feeling of loss. This is not
unreasonable because it is, of course, a bereavement of sorts. Friends that you have built your life around
depart and leave a void. Luckily unlike
a real bereavement you can fill it with new friends and, with the convenience of
social media and skype, still keep in touch.
The
reality is that many of the friendships formed through the lens of expat life
are based on the over-riding shared experiences of living and working in your host
country. Once those experiences are no
longer shared don’t be surprised if the friendship slackens a little and you
become friendly acquaintances reduced to the odd ‘like’ on Facebook. That does not mean that the friendships are
not important and valuable while you are on posting. Most people find that the ability to talk
through the experiences of expat life with people who understand the context
plays a vital part in enjoying the time abroad.
It is important to cultivate a large circle of friends and welcome new
arrivals so that when people leave the support network remains intact.
Every
so often, of course, you meet someone who becomes a genuinely good friend and no
amount of distance will dull that. Some years
ago many family friends who had settled in Europe came to support us on the sad
day when we buried my mother. The same
friends came to help celebrate my father’s second wedding.
So with all this in mind we will say goodbye to our friends. We will keep in touch and hopefully catch up
again in the future. In the meantime we
will also enjoy a get together with some people who arrived just a month or so
ago.
Click the picture for more posts on the challenges of expat life.
Click the picture for more posts on the challenges of expat life.
Nellie and I will always love you :)
ReplyDeleteand 'like you' on Facebook!
Nellie's exploits on facebook brighten our days!
Delete