One of the defining characteristics of expat life is that it
is lived at a distance, sometimes a great distance, from family. Costs and bureaucracy add to the physical
distance but there is an emotional distance too, often overlooked.
Visits help to maintain strong family bonds. |
Living abroad changes us – it opens the eyes to experiences
beyond the home country, makes you think in a different way. Some things which seem so important at home
become far less so after a few years abroad whereas other rituals which were
never very important suddenly become defining characteristics of home and the
home culture. What goes and what stays
is different for every expat
Nevertheless while we change our family stay the same. Very often they will have no idea of normal day
to day life – many expats say their family members think they live in a
permanent ‘Club Med’. Other aspects of
the expat lifestyle (housekeepers, drivers etc) may give rise to jealousy even
if they are a necessary part of your life abroad. I never forget the reaction of our family and
friends back in Europe when they found out that for one particular posting I
was followed everywhere by at least one armed guard. (my parents had
more). To them it sounded impossibly
glamorous, to me and my immediate family it meant that there was a threat that
had to be taken very seriously. I
worried whenever I was in the UK far away from my parents – never sure whether I
would hear (and worse, have to break to my sister) the horrible news that the
guards proved necessary.
Some experiences can't be described over the 'phone they have to be lived in person. |
We have had, in our first
three months in Miri, as many visitors as we had during our whole three years
in Kazakhstan. Malaysia is easier and
cheaper to get to and there are no visas, it is a holiday destination in its
own right. Kazakhstan was beautiful –
and probably far more exotic in the sense that fewer people visit – but many
people were put off by the extreme temperatures. Who wants a holiday in -35 degrees C?
It is important for family to understand where and how you live to give context when you ring home. |
My mother and sister in law came a few weeks after the baby
was born. It was their first trip to
Malaysia or even this part of Asia so we made sure to show them as much as
possible (trips to see Monkeys, the Miri tourist sites, Lambir Hills etc) and
treated my mother in law to her first ever Chinese meal for her 80th
birthday. It was also a chance to spend
time with all three of the children. My
mother in law is elderly so may not come out again but we do hope to see my
sister in law and the rest of the family in the future.
Children in particular love to show off their home to visiting family. |
There is something so indescribably lovely
about spending time, just ordinary time together, having people right there
instead of at the end of a phone line and subject to the problems that time
zones generate. As I type this I can
hear my father’s voice speaking to my husband in another room and it is a very comforting,
happy feeling. This must be how my
parents felt when my sister and I were able to be at home. Home truly is where the heart is and I love
it dearly when all the pieces of my heart can be in the same place at the same
time.
Hello from the My Expat Family blog hop. We have lived in France for ten years now and love it when our family from UK come and visit, but it's even better to pop back and get spoiled by them in the UK!
ReplyDeleteThere is something so special about catching up again isn't there. Family are so important.
DeleteLove this post :)
ReplyDeleteYou're right that it's wonderful for people to be able to see your real expat life and get an understanding that it most certainly isn't 'club med' all the time!!! Having a baby abroad definitely is trump card and will bring everyone out the wood work :)
I also totally agree that home is people not necessarily a place, it's a really nice way of viewing it!! Thanks so much for joining in again with #myexpatfamily lovely to have you :) xx
Thanks again for inviting me - it is brilliant to catch up and see everyone's perspectives on life in all these different corners of the world.
DeleteI agree fully that it's important that family members come out to see you as much as you go back to them. I think it's important for our children that their grandparents, cousins etc see where they live and not just imagine the "exotic-ness". I too was brought up all over the world without a home town. Very happy to have found your blog through #myexpatfamily (And I would have gone to see you like a shot in Kazakstan if I'd been a friend/family member when you lived there...the Stans fascinate me!!!)
ReplyDeleteIF you get a chance do go - Kazakhstan was a wonderful place to live - exciting, new, traditional, friendly and adventurous all rolled into one. One of my favourite postings ever! If you find yourself in Sarawak do shout and I will stand you a coffee :)
DeleteMy parents were so involved in my kids life. I love that they are willing to travel to see us as often as they can. They have a lot of travel on their plate. They live in Canada, my brother is in London and we are in Costa Rica. But they do it. They also try to contribute to a family meet up somewhere in the world each year so that we can all be together. Keeps us a healthy and happy extended family.
ReplyDeleteThat is brilliant - it makes so much of a difference. That is a lot of travelling in one family! Distance does not matter though when people make such an effort.
DeleteMy mother has visited us several times since we moved, which is wonderful, and she always stays for a few weeks, so she really does know what our life is like here. My husbands parents just visited us for the first time and it was lovely for them to finally see and experience the life we live here. It was really important to my husband that they did. I absolutely love the last line in your post x #myexpatfamily
ReplyDeleteHow lovely to have your mum out. I know I would not have been able to keep mine away from us! So brilliant that your in laws decided to come out - it must have made your husband happy that he could share his life with them.
DeleteThis is such a great post. I love it when people come to visit us. It's great to share our lives with them, but what I love most about it is the way they can then relate to us afterwards. I know it means a lot to my mother to be able to visualise the market I shop at or the bar I get the best coffee from when she next talks to me on the phone. My parents-in-law loved being taken to see my son's nursery. I think it helps them to feel involved in our day-to-day lives, even if they aren't in reality.
ReplyDeleteThanks Eline. It is so true - I bet your Mom loves to be able to 'see' where you are and what you are doing when she thinks of you!
DeleteWe've been in Australia for eight weeks now and I'm really looking forward to planning family visits next year. The world is such a small place now that flights are easily available - it doesn't really matter that we're on the other side of the world. Your new home sounds like a lovely place to visit and with the new addition I'm sure you won't be short of visitors. xx
ReplyDeleteIt is so true - these days Visas are more of a barrier than flights. I bet you will have loads of visitors to your Aussie home!
DeleteI havent seen my family for so many years now and I am so homesick and I wish that I can see them and they can see my son. This is an amazing read and I am nodding on so many parts. #MyExpatFamily
ReplyDeleteThanks Pixie! I hope you get to see your family soon. It is horrible to be apart for too long.
DeleteFamily's #1. Whenever I have a long enough break, which is usually once a year, I go home to be with my family. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post for #ExpatTuesday - http://www.trekkingwithbecky.com/expat-tuesday-healthytokyo-com/ :D
ReplyDeleteThanks, it is so true isn't it, family makes us who we are and it is so important to connect whenever possible.
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